When I was about 8, I thought it would be hilarious if I could "wake up" in a dream and say during a dream "I must be dreaming."  It just sounded humorous to me so I kept thinking about it and when I was about 9, it finally happened.  I do not know how I became aware that I was dreaming, but I said those very words -- I must be dreaming.  Every word was said in a different register and felt like I was pushing each word through my lungs.  But I remember the experience like it was yesterday (I'm 53).  For a few years, I was able to do this.  I became someone who could fly, who could make everyone around me laugh and be happy, who could do double axels on the ice.  I don't remember when it stopped.

I've just had my first lucid dream experience as an adult last night.  I've been walking around with a big red A on my hand as a queue and trying for about a month.  I didn't really even need the queue.  The lucidity came naturally and easy.  I still looked down at my hand in my dream to see if the big red A was there.

The problem was that although I knew I was asleep and could do the basic things I did as a child (fly, skate, etc.), I found it difficult to know what else I really wanted to do.  I just allowed the dream to progress and woke up very sad because I had my dad there (he died in 2005).  I can vividly remember the dream (I've always been able to remember my dreams, lucid or not).

I guess what I'm trying to sort out is that since my needs within my dreams when I was a child were a little easier to accomplish because they were so easy to define, the experience was very different.  I am now an adult with very interwoven experiences.  I've been in crisis and my head is really a tangled jumble.  I'm not even sure how to define and direct my dreams.  I feel like this ability is such a gift, and to not be able to untangle my intention and direction within my dreams is really just a metaphor for my life.

Start simple.  I'm going to just keep doing double axels, flying, and see where that takes me.